Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dane Cock: Scourge of Everything

Dane Cook is an abomination to the human race. If sucking the limp cock of mediocrity and lulling impressionable (see: stupid) women with your remotely tolerable Hollister tool appearance makes you a comedian, then I'm fucking Gallagher.

I'm approached on a disturbingly high basis by girls that claim I look like Dane Cook. Instead of fisting them in the scrotum, I jump and scream and rant about Burger King. They laugh, unaware of the sad irony of their existence. There, I just effectively proved attractive white girls to be morons without getting told I'm a "meanie".

That's just how badass I am.

Obama is the Anti-Christ

Just look at the signs!

1. He's black - the color of darkness!

2. He wants to run the free world. Run = Rule? ZOMG!!111

3. He wants to bring peace. IT'S A TRAP!

4. Obama is clearly a Muslim name, and all Muslims are evil.

5. Nostradamus said so. He said "Barack Obama is the Anti-Chist! lol".

Don't be fooled by his apparent earnestness or solid political credentials. HE WANTS TO EAT YOUR BALLS AND USE YOUR DICK AS A TOOTHPICK.